The Art Of Dying Twice
by yukikittycatofwisdom
Summary: I'd say it was Gon's fault for liking to do idiotic things. But then it'd be my fault for liking Gon despite those idiotic things. The inevitable was closing in, and I knew we were gonna die. - AU
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I'd say it was Gon's fault for liking to do idiotic things. But then I'd say it was my fault for liking Gon despite those idiotic things.

I could feel it before I actually saw it. The inevitable was closing in.

It had been an autumn day like any other. The skies were blue, the air was crisp, and leaves littered the ground as far as the eye could see. The occasional car strolled by, though there were rails and a patch of foliage separating our path from the road.

School had let out about an hour ago and neither of us wanted to go home.

"Killua!" Gon hissed, halting us with a hand on my arm. "Look! Look!"

I followed his gaze to the base of a tree where a small creature stared at us, cheeks puffed out with food. A sweat drop formed on my head, "Gon…it's a squirrel."

"I _know_!" His very being began bubbling with excitement, like it does when he has a plan that will most surely sound stupid. And I know those are the kinds of ideas I can't help but join in on.

The squirrel tilted its head to the side, dropping a nut when it saw us creep closer. It turned its head to the side, then to the other. Deciding whether it should takes its chances with the car infested road or dive into the rushing river a long way down.

Chickening out, it rushed forward and darted between my legs then away and away and away.

"Catch it!" Gon laughed, chasing after it. I rolled my eyes and followed close behind him, slinging my other arm into my bag to keep it from getting in the way.

It wasn't until the squirrel risked a peek back, making it slow down, that we were able to get within a good distance. _That's _when I felt it.

As Gon pounced on the squirrel, laughing and laughing, I slid to a stop and looked around. There was a rumbling, vibrating, I could feel through my feet. Then it reached my ears and I recognized the honk of a truck.

A truck?

From the road, of course. There was nothing strange about a truck. I looked towards the road – or where I thought the road was, anyways. Currently, a thicket of trees and bushes blocked the view. It blocked the drivers' view of us, too.

"Gon…" I mumbled, glancing at the trees warily. He looked up with a grin, holding the squirrel proudly. "I caught him, Killua! Isn't he so cute and pudgy?" Then the smile slipped off his face and his eyes widened. "Ne, do you hear that…?"

A small trickle of black liquid trailed towards us from the trees, flowing past Gon, stopping at my foot. The squirrel began screeching, clawing at Gon to escape. He let it go and it scurried away.

Just as the heap of metal people called a truck came tumbling and crashing towards us.

Our eyes met for a second. A split second. And I knew – I think he knew, too – that we were gonna die.

The truck exploded before it reached us, the vegetation immediately catching fire. It was like a bomb going off and the impact had me hurtled off the edge of the path and down to the river far down below.

I never did know what happened to Gon. One second he was there, the next the world was red and black. And all I could think about was the smile on the truck driver's face.

Before I hit the water everything was completely back.

_Tape 001_

_D: Are you feeling well?_

_K: Huh?_

_D: Are you feeling better?_

_K: …_

_D: Is something wrong?_

_K: Who are you?_

_D: Who do you think I am?_

_K: …I think you're crazy._

_D: Why is that?_

_K: …_

_D: Would you like to go back to your room for today?_

_K: …Yes._

_D: Very well._

_End Tape _

TBC…

Yuuki: I've written…something not about Kurapika. I feel proud.

Kurapika: I'm not sure whether or not I should be offended with that statement there

Yuuki: Heh…I sort of stole 'The Art Of' part of the title from one of my un-posted stories…from The Art Of Being Kidnapped. I just felt like it. And I've also decided not to name the chapters…Dunno why. Hmm…should I include any pairing into this? I mean, his 'liking Gon' thing in the beginning could just be friendship, ya know!

Illumi: Review

Yuuki: *whacks* NOU! You must say PLEASE! Have you no manners?

Killua: He doesn't, actually

Yuuki: oh…ok then!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Good morning!"

I yawned, stretching my arms above my head. It's way too early…

Without opening my eyes, I fell back against my bed, "Five more minutes…" The blanket was ripped from my grasp, leaving my body at the mercy of the chilly winter air.

"Gon!" I complained, bolting up to glare at him. He stuck his tongue out, waving the blanket tauntingly.

"Serves you right! Don't you want some breakfast _before _lunch for once?"

"Fine…" I grumbled, hopping onto my feet. "I'm up, I'm up. Happy now?" Digging through the closet, I managed to throw on some random shirt with some band logo on it and jeans before – while trying to get some socks on, mind you – tumbling down the stairs.

Gon smiled. Not his normal smile. One of those small smiles with the eyebrows knitted together. Lately I had gotten a lot of those. Either I was becoming more idiotic or he was realizing that he was idiotic. Or both.

Or maybe something else.

"I smell pancakes!" He chirped, racing into the kitchen before I could stand up.

"Good morning, kiddo." The man behind the counter grinned, pushing two plates of pancakes towards the stools. We sat down and, after exchanging some more 'good mornings', stuffed our faces. What can I say? The man knows how to make a good pancake.

"Don't eat so fast." He scolded. "You'll choke."

"No I wo- ACK!"

"Told you so."

I coughed, holding a hand to my neck as Gon snickered. I gave him the usual Stop-Laughing-This-Is-SO-not-funny-so-stop-before-I-bash-your-head-into-a-wall glare.

After all, a glance can speak a million words, ne?

"So, what you up to this time?" The cook asked. I never did find out his name…

"We're gonna go for a walk around campus." Gon twirled the fork in his fingers, and I noticed that his plate remained full. As if he had never touched it.

"Well?" The man looked at me expectantly. I shrugged, "A walk."

"It's cold out, don't forget to bring a coat."

"We know."

He frowned, concern glinting in his eyes. "Yeah…we do. I suppose." Running a greasy hand through his greasy hair and muttering to himself, the cook trailed back into the kitchen.

"What do you think he meant by that?"

"Who cares? Let's go!" Gon pulled on my sleeve until I followed him. Leaving behind his full plate of pancakes.

Weird.

The air was cold, a layer of snow covered the ground. The sidewalks hadn't even been shoveled yet, and so we entertained ourselves by being the first to make footsteps in the flawless snow.

"Killua." Gon stopped walking suddenly, causing me to turn to look at him. I lifted an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. He did, looking down and kicking at a small clump of slow.

"Killua…how long do we gotta stay here?"

"What do you mean?"

"This isn't home."

"I don't get it. What are you talking about?"

"…Never mind."

Eyebrows knitted together, I waited for him to start walking again. And we, the two of us, walked around for another hour in complete silence.

XXX

_Tape 002_

_D: Good morning. Are you feeling well today?_

_K: It's afternoon, crazy. _

_D: Crazy?_

_K: You didn't tell me your name, dumby. _

_D: I see. Would you like to know my name?_

_K: If I didn't I wouldn't have asked you._

_D: Why do you want to know my name?_

_K: Ugh! Will you stop that?_

_D: Stop what?_

_K: That! Don't answer me with questions!_

_D: Does it bother you?_

_K: Yes!_

_D: And why is that?_

_K: …You…are impossible…_

_D: What do you mean?_

_K: …You know what? Could I just go? I don't think I can stand your annoyance right now._

_D: Very well._

_End Tape_

XXX

"Do you want to leave?"

Gon looked up from his textbook, eyes startled. "Huh?"

"Let's…run away."

I can't quite explain the look on his face. I find it hard to place that sort of expression. Shock? Fear? Anxiousness? Dread? Perhaps a mixture of all those and more. But never could I put a name to Gon's face at that moment.

"Runaway…" He echoed. It seemed as if he was tasting the word, shaping it with his tongue. As if he had never heard or thought of such a ridiculous term.

"Yeah. It'd be easy." I smiled encouragingly. He frowned. Not that I blamed him for his mistrust. It felt fake even to me.

"But…" Gon looked down at the textbook in his lap, clenching his hands to fists. "But…"

_I'm scared._

"Me, too."

I got to my feet, calmly going over to him to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. I awaited his answer. Anticipated it. Wondered what would happen if he said no. Wondered what would happen if he said yes.

Running away…like cowards.

Like fools.

Mouth open slightly, he looked up warily. "I…I…Runaway? Killua? Do you know what that would mean? We'll be caught…and punished…Killua, I don't wanna be punished."

"We won't get caught." I squeezed his shoulder. "I promise."

"Let me think about it."

A shiver crawled up my spine.

XXX

"_Haunted by the past – a nightmare that seems so unreal. Wish that I could turn back time; spare the pain that we both feel. Oh how we've changed….things'll never be the same."_

I closed my eyes, sinking further into the soft mattress. Another day had come and passed. By now I'd lost track of how many days Gon and I had spent here. Time had come to a standstill, then it'd go too quickly. I was no longer sure if it was Monday or Saturday.

The only way to tell time around here was to look at the sun. If it was high it was noon if it was dark it was night.

"It's cold." I whispered.

Gon wasn't here. Whenever he wasn't with me it was as if he didn't exist. I'd once made the mistake of asking someone where he was. They said I was insane.

But I wasn't.

I wasn't insane.

I rolled over, staring blankly at the radio in the corner. A sigh formed on my lips, slipping across the quiet room.

"_We were foolish then but our trials served to make us strong. The burdens are not yours alone. We've sought the answers for so long. But they're not free."_

Closing my eyes, I buried my face in a pillow. It was so quiet. So quiet…so cold. So cold and lonely. Where was Gon? I hoped he would show up soon.

Music floated towards me, soothing to my ears.

"_They cost you more than they cost me."_

Shivering, I opened my eyes to stare at the radio again. The radio in the corner. The one that had been broken ever since I'd first gotten here. It never did turn on. No matter how many times you changed the batteries or pushed a button.

It never sang one note. Never.

"_To make atonement for my sin…and see…see your smiling face again." _

"I'm scared."

I looked up, watching the figures pass by the doorway. Gon sat on the edge of the bed, lips drawn in a tight line.

And see…see your smiling face again…

"Let's go, Gon."

"…Ok."

TBC…

Yuuki: tis ok if you're confused. I'm confused, too. And it's MY idea D: it's weird how that works, ne? The human mind…is weird…it knows more than we do! (As if that made any sense) I know where I wanna take this story, but how I get there is shrouded in a chocolaty mystery

Kurapika: I see why Killua was always annoyed in these chats…having to be the first to say something. All. The. Time.

Killua: yeah, and it's only the second chapter *Pats Kura's head* poor blond thing

Kurapika: …white thing

Killua: blond thing

Kurapika: white thing

Killua; blond thing

Leorio: oh GAWD just SHUT UP! JEESH!

Gon: Review please! Flames will heat the oven for cookies for the reviewers! C;

Disclaimer: HXH DOES NOT BELONG TO ME. NOR DOES THE SONG USED IN THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE IT WAS STUCK IN THE AUTHORESS'S MIND


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuki: Hey all! Just wanted to explain my lack of activity on FF real quick. My laptop has been at the computer doctor's, until yesterday very late at night. And the family computer had parental controls on it that won't let me log in to anything using my e-mail...So, yeah. Sorry! Enjoy~

**Chapter 3**

_Tape 003_

_D: It's a lovely evening, isn't it?_

_K: It was…until I saw you._

_D: It's high time we get to the point of your visits, is it not?_

_K: No, I was just thinking we'd hang out, you know. I mean, it's not as if I don't enjoy your company or anything._

_D: You'd rather chatter all day with me?_

_K: It'd called sarcasm, gramps. _

_D: I see. Let us begin, shall we?_

_K: Whatever. It's not like it matters what I say around here._

_D: You see, you're here so I can help you. You have something that we need. And we have something that you need. It's a fair exchange, right?_

_K: Not really. I've got everything I need._

_D: So, let's start at the beginning. What can you recall as your earliest memory?_

_K: I dunno. Pooping in my diaper?_

_D: Please try to take this seriously. You want to leave soon, correct?_

_K: Oh fine. Um…I suppose it'd be the day I met Gon._

_D: Gon?_

_K: Yeah. Well, I remember stuff before that. But it's all blurry, like I was numb to it. So I remember Gon first._

_D: You mean Gon Freecs, no?_

_K: Hmm…I'm tired._

_D: We've only just begun. Just a little longer, okay?_

_K: My head hurts. _

_D: …Very well._

_End Tape_

**xXx**

We were going to run away. Tonight.

Just a few hours ago Gon and I had gone into the kitchen to ask for some snacks. We took them to my room and now they were packed carefully into a container.

I settled onto the floor and carefully slid a box out from under my bed. It had been so long since I had opened it. Everyone told me not to, said I was only allowed to keep it with me as long as I didn't open it. And for the longest time I had obeyed.

But no more.

My hands were shaking as I ripped the tape off as quietly as I could. The two flaps of the cardboard easily bent away as I pulled out the first items.

Black pants with a white line down the side. A dark colored turtleneck and a slightly purple T-shirt. I stared at the clothing with confused eyes, memories shifting in the back of my mind. I pushed them away, though, because whenever that happened my head would hurt.

Now was not the time to have a headache.

I got to my feet and, checking that the door was closed, pulled the old jeans and worn shirt off, replacing them with the newfound clothing. Chucking the former into the corner, I plopped back down beside the box.

Next I found a leather jacket. I tilted my head at the black material, wondering if it'd be warm or not. Shrugging, I slipped it on.

It was a good thing, after all, that there had been clothes in the box. Because the stuff I owned, that was all provided by _them_. And who knows if they decided to track my every movement?

Pulling at the box, I discovered a pocketknife, a small glass bottle of blackish purple liquid, and a stuffed animal. There were a few items, wrapped in newspaper, at the bottom of the box. My eyebrows were in my hair as I reached out towards a small bag of marbles. Before I touched them, however, a cold hand was placed on my shoulder.

"Hey…" I whispered, looking up at Gon. He smiled a small smile, eyes shifting with fear and determination. I looked back at the box and, placing everything but the pocketknife back, closed it up.

"Let's go." Shoving it into my bag along with the food container, I pocketed the knife and walked towards the door. Gon stayed close behind me, shooting glances every which way.

It was surprisingly easy to get down the different hallways and to the front door. Much easier than I had expected. I would say it was 'too easy', but I didn't want to set myself up for anything. Just the thought, however, is probably what did it. Though I wouldn't find out until much, much later.

Gon shuddered, hugging himself as we stepped out into the snowing cold night. The footsteps we left behind us, in the snow, disappeared just as fast as they happened, almost directly after we lifted our feet. And so, we trudged our way to the fence. We weren't going to leave through the front gate, you know. There were cameras, as well as guards.

"Ready?" I breathed, lacing my fingers together to make a step as I kneeled before Gon. He nodded, gulping,

"K-Killua, what if I can't lift you up?" He stared nervously at my hands, his feet quivering as he stepped forward. I didn't answer, simply waited for the second his foot touched my gloved fingers to push him upwards.

"Jump!" I hissed, watching in the flurry as he managed to catch the top of the brick fence. He got to his shaky feet and glanced back, before his eyes widened. With a screech, he fell to the other side.

Cursing under my breath, I didn't wait to see if the guards had heard him or not. I jumped as far as I could, not paying any mind when the barbed wire cut through my flesh. I did everything but tear off my fingers to break free and join Gon on the other side of the fence.

He was still brushing off snow when I grabbed his arms with a bloody hand, pulling him away from the sirens and towards the nearest town.

Or, at least, I hoped this was the direction of the nearest town.

Gon sobbed quietly as we ran. And I began to wonder why he cried. But I wouldn't speak a word of it. No. Because if he wanted to tell me, he would tell me. That was the excuse I gave myself, anyways. I didn't want to admit that I was afraid of the answer.

TBC…

Yuuki: I know it's short…But now I'm using this for a school project and there's a specific number of words you need for every chapter *facepalm* I'm only using this because I'm too lazy to write anything new…Or maybe I'll back out last minute and use something else or something…

Kurapika: *yawns and rubs eyes sleepily*

Yuuki: You're totally pretending you're yawning because you just woke up when it's actually because you don't like this, blondie…Le gasp! I CAN'T BELIVE YOU JUST SAID THAT! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME, HUH? JEEZ, KURAPIKA! STOP FREAKING OUT! *runs away crying*

Leorio: OAO

Kurapika: *blink blink* ._. Uh…I'm sorry?

Gon: *song hunting duty* Not that you probably care much about my underwear, still, nonetheless, I've got to say! That I'm not wearing underwear toDAY!~

Killua: because we really needed to know that

Leorio: review~ *smexy pose* you know you want to~ *poses again*

Kurapika: *whacks him with newspaper*

Leorio: what? You know you want this too!  
Kurapika: -_- *walks away*

Leorio: denial, one of the phases of love, you know *gets hit with shoes*


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

We were surrounded. In every direction the eye could see, they were there. Tall ones short ones, thin ones wide ones. Blue eyed, brown eyed. And so many more.

Gon and I walked closely together, my arm brushing his with every step we took. I could hear his breath, coming short and wild. My legs were trembling hard enough to make Jell-o jealous.

I must have jumped five feet in the air when someone bumped into me. The man called a 'sorry!' over his shoulder as he ran. His tie flew like a cape behind him, and a small pair of sunglasses dropped onto my foot.

"Who was that?" Gon asked nervously, petting my head as I clung to his side.

"Who cares?" I spat after the man, when the glasses caught my eye. Picking them up, I examined them curiously, "Hey, Gon, look what the old man dropped."

"We should return it!" He snatched the glasses from me and ran in the same direction the other had just gone off to. I gaped at his retreating back before I realized something.

"Oi, Gon! Don't leave me all alone!"

XXX

_Tape 004_

_D: Are you feeling better?_

_K: Yeah, great. Thanks for sending someone to flippin' electrocute me!_

_D: Returning to the previous session, explain to me how you met Gon, okay?_

_K: Ugh…you just never give up…Fine. I met Gon in the park. He was sitting there, I was bored. End of story. Could I go now?_

_D: Why are you so reluctant to speak of Gon?_

_K: Because it's none of your business. Maybe I'd be a little more open if you didn't poke me with those needles all the time. I feel like some serious drugie, man._

_D: If it bothers you, we could always lower the dose. Would that-_

_K: No! You just don't get it, do you? I don't like needles, period!_

_D: It's for your own good, Killua. Wouldn't you much rather to be healthy than sick in bed all day?_

_K: When I'm sick at least I'm away from you._

_D: I ask you refrain from raising your voice._

_K: I don't care! When I ask something of you do you do it? No!_

_D: Very well. Let us end the session for now._

_K: Huh? Hey, I said no needles! What are you doing-_

_End Tape_

XXX

"This is a serious waste of time." I growled, a scowl having taken a seemingly permanent residence on my face. Gon stood on his tip toes, trying to get a better look at the crowd.

He leaned a hand on my head for balance, "Come on, Killua! If we both look together, we'll be able to return the glasses faster, right?"

"What if I don't want to return the glasses?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Waste. Of. Time."

I ducked away from his hand, watching his thin frame tip over the side of the rock and to the ground. He pursed his lips, giving me a big fat pout. "Aww, Killua! That wasn't very nice!"

"C'mon, I'm hungry. Let's eat something." Watching his expression drop in disappointment, I added. "And then- and then we can return the glasses. If you want, that is."

"Okay!" Gon beamed, kneeling on the grass to dust off the rock he had previously been standing on. I crouched beside him, lowering the bag to the ground and unpacking some snacks.

My mouth watered, seeing the food. It wasn't much, and it had to last us a while, but it was all I could get from the cook without either raising suspicion or making the bag too heavy for me to run swiftly.

Four sandwiches, a handful of granola bars, three bottles of water, two vanilla puddings, one chocolate pudding, and a bag of fruit loops.

Gon licked his lips, "Mm…I didn't notice how hungry I was until now…"

"Me neither." I eyed the chocolate pudding with adoration, like seeing a long lost lover for the first time in years. "I haven't seen any chocolate in months…not in any way, shape, or form. Not in any solid, liquid, grams, gas-"

"Yes, I get it." He laughed lightly, "You miss chocolate."

My hands twitched towards the small container, making grabby motions as drool nearly gushed down my chin. (But of course it didn't, because I was just too awesome for that.) "You don't mind, right?"

He'd opened his mouth, I had lunged for the pudding, torn it open, and was spooning it into my mouth by the time sound actually made it past his lips.

"Not at all."

A smile ever present on his face, Gon watched me eat in amusement, not once making any move to get anything for himself.

XXX

_A young man walked briskly down the polished hallways, his steps radiating purpose and concentration. As if every single movement, every single twitch, had been planned beforehand, and the man was a talented actor playing his role with such perfection that no observer could stare too long without becoming overwhelmed._

_Tap, tap, tap_

_Pause_

_Creak_

_The man's white coat was draped over the back of a chair as he entered a room. Within moments, he was seated at a computer, watching tapes of his interrogations with a certain white haired brat._

_He scowled at the image before closing the screen and bringing up some documents. Scrolling through the names and titles, his eyes brightened when he found the one he'd been looking for._

_As the page loaded, the picture of a dark haired islander appeared on the screen. Words suddenly popped up and once again the young man was searching through the ocean of letters for a particular section. _

_With a satisfied grin, he purred, "Found you, Mr. Gon Freecs. Such a pity. Pronounced dead upon the scene."_

_Smirking like a Cheshire Cat, Alluka Zaoldyeck watched the surprised yet cheerful smile of the young boy appear out of the printer._

TBC…

Yuuki: Short chapter, sorry D; I found this on my flashdrive (I had forgotten that I saved a few things on there before the crash) So I added a 'tbc' and here it is…sorry for the long wait *bow* gomen! Oh, and before I forget, my dad doesn't have a computer so this summer when I move in with him, I won't be able to get online at all except when I come back to visit mom…Sorry, again! But at least I'm updating, ne?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Tape 005_

_D: It's been a few days since our last meeting, hasn't it?_

_K: I was starting to hope you'd fallen down the stairs or something, old man_

_D: Let's start where we left off last time, shall we? How did you meet Gon?_

_K: Ugh, this again…Look, I'd tell you, I really would, but I don't remember._

_D: Just try talking about it; the memories should start to fill in._

_K: …Fine. Gon and I met at the park. My dad wasn't home – actually, I don't think he ever was. Not often. No, my dad wasn't home very often…. So I left home, went for a walk._

_Then I saw Gon. He was…just there. And I was wondering how he could look so happy like that. Just being there._

_So I sat down and…_

_D: His father. Do you know anything about a Gin Freeces?_

_K: He was like me. His dad was never home. His aunt raised him, but-_

_D: Yes, yes, Mito died of cancer. But what about Gin? _

_K: S-she looked fine. Suddenly died. They- they were going to take him away. Take Gon away. Gon!_

_D: Calm down._

_K: Gon- don't leave. You can't leave! L-let's runaway-_

_D: Security-_

_K: I'm scared-_

_End Tape_

XXX

"It's getting late." Gon mumbled sleepily, feet dragging on the ground as we walked. The sunglasses were still clutched in his hand, the hope of finding their owner still fresh in his mind.

I yawned. "Think anybody would take in two dirty kids for the night?"

His eyes lit up suddenly, and with an excited yell, Gon raced across the street, "Hospitals do!"

"Gon, idiot, you're thinking of those old churches from your book!"

He was already through the doors when my feet began to move. Slowly at first, then faster as panic began to grip my chest.

A hospital.

"Gon…" I couldn't feel my legs by the time I made it to the doors. My hands were cold and nearly numb as I stumbled through those swinging doors into a place I never wanted to be in ever again. Except-

"We've never been here before!" Gon was chatting happily with the girl sitting at the receptionist's desk, in the middle of telling her of our adventure in getting here when I walked in. "There are these people looking for us-"

"Actually," I caught the confused look that crossed her face, "our parents died in an accident. We have nowhere to go. Gon's stories are his way to cope." The lie passed my lips easily, surprising with the way my limbs were shaking.

Conversation continued smoothly, and slowly I realized how little effort I put into it. Like a play well rehearsed. As if we'd already been here and talked to this girl whom I didn't recognize.

"Vaise, you haven't seen Basho have you? He's left his stuff all over the lounge again." A blond head poked out from behind a door, eyebrows knitted together and seeing us. "Oh, what are you two doing here?"

With no warning, the world tilted and turned black. I was out by the time I hit the ground.

XXX

"_Gon! Gon, guess what? Milluki totally freaked out when he found out I poured maple syrup on his dolls- Gon?" I stopped in front of the bench, frowning in confusion at the sight I found there._

_There was Gon, at our usual after-school meeting place, curled up with his shoulders shaking. My heart started pounding when he didn't look up. The last time I'd felt dread like this was when I'd found the list of names on my father's desk, with many of them crossed out._

"_Gon?"_

"_S-she…" He finally raised his head, tears dripping down his cheeks. "She's g-gone…" _

_xxx  
_

"_Let's runaway. It'd be easy."_

"…_I'll think about it."_

_We were going to run away. Tonight._

_A small bag on my back, I headed down the stairs as quietly as I could. Every little noise was louder than ever, and the squeak of my shoes was about to drive me insane. _

_This was easy. Nearly 'too easy'. But I didn't want to say it or even linger on the thought too much. _

_The house was dark. The thin piece of moonlight shining in through the window played with the shadows and lead to the door. My escape in the spotlight. It was so close, freedom was against my fingertips as I reached for the doorknob. I held my breath as I grasped the metal, legs trembling with excitement._

_BZZZZZ_

_I gasped, grasping onto my wrist with my other hand as the electricity ripped through my body._

_Arms locked around my neck, pulling me away from door harshly. _

"_I-Illumi!" I managed to get a quick breath of air, struggling to get out of my brother's hold._

_I fell to my hands and knees when he let go, blooding dripping from my scraped hands. Turning quickly, I braced myself for the expected beating. _

"_Coward." Illumi stalked off in disgust, figuring I wasn't worth his time. _

_I sat there for a while, afraid if I moved he'd come back and leave me with more broken bones. When he didn't, I leapt to my feet and burst through the door at a dead run, footsteps disappearing in the snow._

XXX

The soft buzz of the television screen caught my attention first. I stared at the screen with half-lidded eyes, not realizing I was awake until the person in front of it turned around.

"Good morning- Killua, was it?"

Tired blue eyes smiled at me, waiting patiently for a response. A few minutes of silence later, he gave a small laugh and pushed his blonde hair behind an ear. "Not a morning person?" He stood up with a yawn, leaving the TV people to ramble about a war by themselves.

I blinked, staring at the hand offered to me.

"My name's Kurapika. I'm glad to meet you, Killua."

Hesitantly, I raised my own hand, bringing it closer to the offered one. My throat went dry just before our skin touched, and then everything was normal and I gave my own grin as we shook hands.

"What's up."

TBC…

Yuuki: Look up "Alex Thao Replay SHINee cover" on youtube – you will not regret it *melts of dreamyness* oh that little laugh *laughs all fangirl dreamy like*awesome voice so awesome not as awesome as Taemin but still so awesome-

Leorio: *slaps*

Yuuki: cough ahem…thank you…ANYWHO! Moving on from the song that distracted my while I was writing this! I just realized that if I continued going at the pace I was going, it would take me forever to finish this because of everything I want to put in it, so I'm gonna pick things up a bit, kay? Hopefully things are starting to fall into place for you guys, at least a little

Leorio: Tell them the important part now

Yuuki: …I don't own Hunter X Hunter?

Leorio: No the REALLY important part

Yuuki: …uh…Killua is uber adorable?

Killua: like a boss

Gon: *reads script* we be pimping yo…Killua what does that mean?

Leorio: I'm talking about the IMPORTANT PART! The part that really gets everything going!

Yuuki: …drawing a blank here dude

Leorio: *facepalm* here I have provided you with your own script *hands over script titled by Leorio*

Yuuki: …And Leorio shall make an official appearance soon…wait why's that important?

Gon: review please! :3


	6. AN

A.N.- Hey guys! Yuuki here~ (well obviously hmm) So before I am murdered for not updating for forever and a day, I MUST DELIVER MY HORRIBLE NEWS

So, I've recently caught up with the newest manga chapters (by recently I mean a month ago) and firstly let me say the journey of reading the chimera ant arc was not pleasant /shudder/ so many...bugs...meeeeep...ANYWHO as I'm sure you all know, ALLUKA HAS FINALLY APPEARED. And the gender-confused adorable fluffball is so cuuute! And gawsh WHYYYYYY.

Basically, Alluka has ruined my plot bunny. I even remember that right before I posted the last update for The Art Of Dying Twice, thinking about how the anime was coming back and 'what if Togashi actually introduces Alluka and ruins my plot...? nah~' and posting it. This has happened to me before. In one of my other fanfics, I had just gotten to the part of introducing the evil villian bwahahaha then the mangaka decides to unmask them as an adorable little kid. PEACH-PIT WHY

I've been trying to find a way around this without rewriting basically everything, but well...none of the options really leave me where I want to be. I've sort of started figuring stuff out, but it'll take a while to get everything sorted out again.

curse you Allukaaaaaaaaaa /i still love you though/

AUTHOR RANT IS DONE

_THE ART OF DYING TWICE IS ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE_


	7. Chapter 6

_A.N.- Herro~ So yay TAODT's hiatus is OVER! :D I can't promise fast updates, but it'll be more often than once a year heh...So some of the reviewers mentioned how other authors just continued using their own versions of Alluka, and how I should, too. I haven't really been reading any HXH fics lately, and the only thing still connecting me to the fandom are my own unfinished fics, so I hadn't really noticed. I have changed the plot slightly though, and I'm not sure if it's for the better or worse...So...here we go._

_Warning: Alluka is not the adorable fluffball he is in canon. This Alluka is much more...twisted? Is that the right word? lol...Point is he's not the same. Kay, thanks. _

_Enjoy~_

**Chapter 6**

By the time I'd washed my face and slipped into a pair of borrowed clothes, Gon had already begun shoving pancakes into his mouth. He looked up as I entered the kitchen, grinning around a mouthful.

"Good morning~!" He chirped, patting the seat next to him before digging in again.

I glanced around the small room, the kitchen Island we were sitting at was the only thing separating kitchen from living room. Which was more like a living corner. There was hardly enough space to hold the box desperately pretending to be a couch. The overall place was nice, though. It gave off a familiar, comforting feeling. But still, I couldn't shake off the nagging itch that had began poking at my mind suddenly.

My gaze wandered back to Gon, eyes tracing the curve of his jaw that melted into a smooth neck. There I froze, transfixed on the movement of the small jut of his adam's apple. My hands gripped at the edge of the counter, knuckles turning white. Because this was wrong. There was just something about this situation that screamed _wrong_ in my ear. I watched as he swallowed, the motion of the food sliding down his throat just barely noticble but so _there_. The pancakes slowly disappeared from his plate, forever gone from sight as he chewed them happily, apparently not noticing my stare.

"Is something wrong?"

My head snapped to the side too quickly. Kurapika met my wide eyes with a concerned frown. "Killua? You've gone pale."

A shiver crawled up my spine as I forced a shaky smile to my lips. "Uh, sorry, I was just- " Just what, Killua? Exactly what were you doing just now?

I couldn't remember.

Gon yelled abruptly, knocking his chair over as he shot to his feet. Digging through his pocket, he yelled again as he pulled out a pair of sunglasses. "Killua! I totally forgot! We're supposed to be looking for that guy!"

"He's probably long gone by now." I scolded, trying to remember what had spooked me as I served myself some pancakes. "We won't be able to find him."

"What's that?" Kurapika seemed to forget that he had been worried just a moment ago, too. _What was it again?_ The blond took the sunglasses, carefully sliding them open.

"Yesterday a guy bumped into Killua, so we followed him to the hospital, but he disappeared." Gon explained cheerily, rocking back on his heels as the sunglasses continued to be examined.

I frowned. "We didn't follow him to the hospital. We stopped to eat, remember?"

"Huh?" Gon gave me a confused pout, "But Killua, we lost the food. It was in the separate bag and you dropped it on the way to my house. And Mr. Sunglasses went into the hospital's backdoor."

"What?"

"You chased him there 'cause he bumped into you. Then the desk lady was no help since she kept getting distracted by how dirty we were from walking all day."

His attention went back to Kurapika as the blond let out an excited squeal. Despite my confusion over Gon's different version of what happened, I couldn't help but notice the way the blond's eyes were suddenly sparkling with happiness.

"I knew it! These are Leorio's! He was complaining about losing them right before Vaise called me down to help you guys!"

I looked back down at my plate as the two began jumping and squealing. Gon about being able to return the glasses, _he got happy way too easily_, and Kurapika about...well I wasn't sure what. He was just happy. The grin that split his face seemed almost painful, the way his lips were stetching.

Pancakes were much more interesting.

Gon's Aunt Mito came to mind as I ate. It wasn't so much the taste, because there was no gourmet way to make pancakes, but the familiarity was there. A small smile snuck its way to my face without my permission as Gon dragged me from the chair and to their little party.

We were supposed to be running away. This small town was only a two day's walk from our homes and we should have been on our way again, leaving it a long way behind so we didn't get caught.

We were supposed to be running away from...

Ah well, a few days here couldn't hurt.

XXX

_Tape 006_

_D: Report. Week xxx, subject has fallen into another one of his episodes. It's been a week with no signs of waking. This typically happens with the mention of Gon Freeces and his Aunt. See file xxx. Based on past occurrences, we expect him to become conscious within the next three days. If there is no response, the usefulness of keeping subject will be discussed again. See file xxx. Upon his awakening, questioning will resume. His condition continues to be closely monitored. Report end._

_Killua, this is your last chance. If we end up in this cycle again, the case will be terminated. I'm not going to keep saving you._

_End Tape_

XXX

_"Sorry I'm late, I got stuck in the fence."_

_Gon made a face as he peered down at me from his window. I tried to keep a smile on my face while I waited from him to climb down, careful to hide my hands in my pockets. The cuts stung from brushing against the fabric, but I couldn't let him see. The smile which only barely passed because it was dark hurt more anyway._

_With a soft "oof", Gon fell the last few inches to the ground, making a small sound as he got back to his feet. Without a word, he stalked over to where I was and grabbed my arms. I tried to protest, but already he was forcing my fingers to uncurl and was inspecting the damage._

_"Don't be stupid." He muttered under his breath when I tried to pull away. "Don't act tough. I know it must really hurt."_

_"It's not that bad." I huffed, quickly looking away when he raised his head._

_"It must hurt a lot because it takes a lot to make you cry."_

XXX

_Tape 007_

_D: It's been two hours since you recovered consciousness, have you remembered anything useful?_

_K: It's weird that I just woke up, but I'm really tired right now. I wanna go to sleep._

_D: You don't seem to understand the situation. We've gotten to the point that until you either pass out or give us something valuable, you will not be allowed to leave._

_K: Ha...you finally said something without ending in a question._

_D: Enough! Take this seriously and tell me what you've remembered!_

_K: ...ok._

_D: Well?_

_K: ...You look like someone I remember. But you're an old man, so I guess it's not you._

_D: I'm only in my twenties. Please focus._

_K: Yeah but you're old compared to me. And my brother was really little the last time I saw him...actually how long have I been here? I don't remember. After I ran away...it was only...two weeks, wasn't it? Maybe a month...And I've been here not too long. Maybe another month. _

_D: Focus again, start with why you ran away._

_K: So it's been two months since I saw them, huh. I hope he's going okay- my brother, that is. I really miss him. Not my older brothers though, they were annoying. Hey, do they know I'm here? What are you writing?_

_D: You're dazed because of your medications. We'll lower the dose and continue later. Dismissed._

_End Tape_

TBC...

Yuuki: Short chapter, with awkward 2am writing at the beginning. Haaa...But I want to get this out quickly.

Kurapika: How could you leave un-proofread 2am writing in this? AND IN MY SCENE TOO

Yuuki: I wanted to make Gon's little eating scene more dramatic, but I'm afraid to read it because of...past experiences...with my 2am writing...it's just overall awkwardly done. Lol. So I'll let you guys suffer through it instead~ much love~ (I also think it's because I haven't written ANYTHING in a long time, so it's taking a while for me to fall back into a comfortable style)

ALSO! I would very much appreciate it if you would hop on over to wattpad and read my first attempt at original fiction~ nyan~ There's a link on my page~ Only the prologue is up, and heh...well...it won't be updated until I finish at least two of my fanfics here~ But I would still love you guys forever if you just went on over and gave it a look-see~

Gon: Review please~


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_Gon kept glancing back, trying to catch a glimpse of his old house whenever he thought I wasn't looking. It annoyed me slightly, because there was nothing back there for us. Without his aunt, he had no one to go back to. And the only reason I hadn't left my own home earlier was because I was afraid of my own family coming after me. So it annoyed me, for these reasons._

_But it was okay, because I understood. _

_"Nae, Killua, did you remember to bring food?"_

_I stiffened slightly, lowering my head in guilt. "Ah, well, I sort of..." I trailed off to a mumble, quickening my legs. Gon was alert instantly, his reluctant steps becoming less dragged as we continued._

_"Killua, where's the food?" He questioned again, suspicious gaze burning guilty holes into my skull. I grimaced, fingering the edge of the make-shift bandage around my hands. _

_"I sort of...dropped it. When I jumped the fence. It didn't fit in my bag, so it was in a plastic..."_

_He gave a long, drawn out sigh. I waited for an uncharacteristic scolding, because ever since Aunt Mito's death he'd been acting odd. I bit my lip at the thought. Her death was still...setting in for me. Still too fresh for the words to be tossed together so easily in my head._

_There was no scolding, though. Gon leaned against my arm and grumbled, "I brought the emergency fund so it's ok."_

_I could tell he was upset, because he'd figured out that if he hadn't asked me to bring the food then I probably wouldn't have cut up my hands trying to keep it from falling. And all for nothing, because with Mike the guard dog chasing me down, I couldn't spare more than one attempt at catching the falling bag. _

_From the corner of my eye, I could see the deep expression on his face. His thinking expression, with lips puffed in a pout, nose slightly scrunched and eyebrows drawn together. With a smirk, I nudged him hard enough to make the unsuspecting boy fall over._

_Gon screeched as snow poured into his jacket, arms and legs flailing until he managed to sit up. I laughed at the bewildered red face that emerged from the endless white._

_"Killua!"_

_I stopped walking, only a few steps ahead and waited patiently for him to say more. He didn't, only continued to stare at me with surprised chocolate eyes. It took a few minutes, but eventually he got over the shock and got to his feet._

_"Ah, now I'm all wet! Nae, Killua, it's cold!" Gon randomly shook his legs as he came towards me, trying to dislodge the trapped snow. I opened my arms as he approached, wiggling my eyebrows as he made a face. _

_Another snicker made it past my lips as he marched right on past me, only turning slightly to stick his tongue out with a soft, "Bully!"_

_I followed him, of course, and we continued to walk in silence with the snow smoothing over the small impressions our feet made. It was pretty, and with the developments fading into the distance behind us, it almost seemed as if the whole world was made of endless white. The dim light of the moon managed to peek through the clouds, giving everything a pretty shine._

_After a few minutes of shivering helplessly, Gon roughly latched onto my arm, pressing close and quickly soaking my side. I didn't mind, since it was my fault anyway. I smiled at the small satisfied twist of his mouth._

_It continued to snow, keeping our surroundings in a pretty haze. In this world, there was just the two of us. Just me and Gon. _

_There would be no one to protect us if they came after me. My father's disapproving gaze came to mind then._

_The moment was shattered, for me at least. Gon continued to look content. But I felt suddenly too isolated, and couldn't help but imagine my father's eyes watching from the blurs hidden in the snow._

XXX

"Ugh...how much longer do we have to wait?" I whined, tracing circles on the pattern of the desk. I watched little dark patches appear on the bandages over my hand as dust collected. Gon sat happily beside me, swaying his upper body side to side with some song he was humming quite off-tune.

Kurapika was busy organizing some papers, occasionally reaching up to push back the hat that was too big for him. He spared me a quick smile, "He'll show up soon. Leorio tries to use as much of the visiting hours as possible, so it won't be too long until he gets here."

I felt my eyes droop as I puffed out my cheeks. There it was again, that overly happy tone when he said that name. If this Leorio guy wasn't some sort of god-looking idol when he walked in I was going to have to seriously rethink Kurapika's sanity.

"Dance~ whoohoo~!" Gon giggled, kicking his legs as he added some words to his humming. Still very much off-pitch, but somehow comforting as I pressed my cheek to the desk. "I wanna dance dance~ dance~ da-dance~ fantastic baby~!"

Vaise, the main desk lady, looked over with an amused grin.

The doors suddenly swung open, and in strutted the most ridiculous thing ever. An old man (okay so maybe he wasn't _that _old) wearing a suit with every other button unbuttoned and a tie around his forehead wobbled into the hospital with about a dozen bouquets of flowers in his arms.

And gone was all the respect I had for Kurapika.

"_This _is Leorio?" I didn't lift my head from the desk, barely turned my face at all before I decided I didn't want to see anymore. Reluctantly, I looked towards the only blond occupant of the room. Kurapika was pushing aside his papers, quickly going over to grab some of the flowers before the old man completely lost his balance. He was no longer smiling, instead there was a disapproving frown on his face as he scolded Leorio for not properly buttoning his shirt. His eyes were still doing that weird sparkle thing, though, totally ruining the effect.

"It's Mr. Sunglasses!" Gon chirped, hopping to his feet. I banged my head on the desk as he went through the whole process of returning the sunglasses. Vaise was snickering from her place nearby, mumbling something under her breath and then snickering just a bit harder.

Leorio set down one of the bouquets on the receptionist desk, abruptly cutting off Vaise's laughing.

"Sorry I took so long, but I lost track of time when I was studying then I wanted to buy everyone flowers..." He laughed sheepishly, taking the flowers from Kurapika to distribute them among the desks and even handing some to the few patients who were in the lobby. He still had quite a few left when he decided he was done, and turned to Gon with a smile. "Hey, thanks for giving me back my sunglasses."

Gon beamed happily, rocking back on his heals as his habit often led him to do. "You're welcome!"

I scowled as he was handed some white roses, slowly sitting up. My mind went back to a book my mother had given me. I was supposed to memorize the different types of flowers that could be used as poisons, and she never told me why, but in the back of the book had been a chart. I silently counted the number of flowers in Gon's hand.

_10: you are pretty._

_White: pure intentions_

"Killua?" Gon was giving me a confused look, tilting his head when he noticed my glare directed at the flowers. I couldn't help the grimace on my lips, so I turned my head away to keep him from seeing.

XXX

_Tape 008_

_D: We're going to talk you through the memories okay. You have to try today, we're running out of time._

_K: You're really different lately, old man._

_D: You and Gon Freeces decided to run away after the death of his aunt because he was going to be taken away. No family member appeared to take him in, so he was being sent to an orphanage. Continue on from there._

_K: I never told you that part. About his family members. You seem to know more about this than I do._

_D: Just continue the story._

_K: Hmm...So I was supposed to show up at his house, but I was late because of Illumi, my older brother. He found me at the door, and then just left so I thought 'oh, this is too easy'. But then I found out he let Mike loose. Mike chased me and I ended up having to climb over the fence. It's a brick fence, with barbed wire all along it like overgrown bushes and vines. I sort of tripped, so I lost the food and cut my hands..._

_D: Yes, and then what?_

_K: It kind of...scared me...that Mike was actually out for blood, and that meant Illumi had ordered him to...I mean, we never had the best relationship but I never thought my own brother would try to kill me. And I didn't even notice until Gon mentioned it, but I had been crying. And that was weird, because I never cried. He was talking about the cuts on my hands, but I knew that he wasn't really. Because he was good at telling when it was about my family..._

_D: What's wrong? You're making a strange face._

_K: What...what was that pill you guys gave me...It's making me dizzy and...my lips feel loose...I should stop talking but I can't..._

_D: Just continue, it'll be fine._

_K: Ugh, no, I'm going to be sick..._

_D: Guard, quickly fetch the doctors. The subject it suffering bouts of nausea, don't just stand there!_

_End Tape_

XXX

I let my head drop back to the desk as finally, _finally_, Leorio left the lobby to go visit his sick friend. He had arrived a few minutes before visiting hours, so he had paced around aimlessly, chatting with Kurapika and Vaise. He had taken only one of those roses with him, leaving the rest for the patients to have if they wanted any.

_1: devotion to a single person_

"Gon, I'm bored." I nudged his leg with my foot. "Let's go somewhere."

"We said we were gonna help Kurapika though."

"But you're just sitting there."

"I'm cheering for him!"

"We can cheer for him somewhere else."

He decided to ignore me, instead going back to humming his song. I groaned at the thought of sitting in an uncomfortable chair for the next five hours. Why did the shift have to be so long? The boredom was getting to me real badly, because I couldn't stop thinking about those stupid flowers.

There were fifteen of the yellow roses now on Kurapika's little space of a desk. The blond had already dug around to find a vase and would pet them every now and then. _Pet_ them. I almost wanted to tell him about the flower book.

_15: I'm really sorry_

_Yellow: Friendship_

But I didn't, since I'd rather not have him moping around in a bad mood. We _had _decided to stay with him for a few days. Maybe a week. Maybe two. I'll just let things happen as they happen.

There was something bothering me about these flowers, though. With a sigh, I pushed back my chair and got up. Gon gave me a curious blink as I circled the desk. "Killua, where are you going?"

I didn't answer, simply grabbed his bouquet and tossed four roses to the ground. Gon gave a little yell of protest as I pressed them into the tile with my foot, leaving only crushed fragments of stem and petals. He reached over to save the rest of the flowers, but he didn't need to because I had already stuffed the six that remained into his arms.

_6: I love you, I miss you_

Because he was my best friend, and somewhere in the deep corners of my mind, I knew that none of this was real. Not anymore.

_Gon, why did you have to leave me?_

TBC...

Yuuki: About the flower thing, my friend is currently obsessed with all these meanings so I couldn't help myself lol~ Quick note: I don't ship KilluGon. Well, not technically. Because I do, but only as friends that are so much closer than a couple. They're just too innocent~ Though you guys can take their love whichever way you want.

And I decided that I should explain the italics and stuff to get rid of at least some of the confusion. Might be a spoiler, if you look really into it, but at the same time not really...Anywho.

Italics that are centered are Killua's real memories. So it's like a flashback that isn't happening to Killua, but is just being told to the readers. Ugh, how do I explain this lulz

Normal Italics are the tapes (recordings), which are in the present. It takes place in the...facility...where our dear Alluka appeared a few chapters ago.

The normal, non-italicized font is whatever Killua is seeing at the moment. So just like you or me walking around, whatever we see or think. Here's your mini-spoiler (just read into it a little) Killua doesn't necessarily have to be awake, because the brain doesn't stop thinking when we sleep.

I feel like I didn't explain it well enough, but still said too much haha it probably just seems that way because I know what's going on~

Gon: review please~


End file.
